


Cold Outside

by akh



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a happy ending??, F/M, much snow, very christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21697171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akh/pseuds/akh
Summary: A month after St. Matthew's, Julia and David meet by chance just days before Christmas.Part of the LavenderBudd Fic Exchange.
Relationships: David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 111
Kudos: 236
Collections: LavenderBudd Fic Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [multi_faceted_obsessional](https://archiveofourown.org/users/multi_faceted_obsessional/gifts).



> The wishlist for this fic was angst with a happy (or hopeful) ending, set at some point post St Matthews but Julia is alive(!), and emotional/physical healing, which I hope I have mostly covered. :)  
> The fic will not include: all angst and no trade off, Julia giving up her career, or Roger Penhaligon
> 
> I hope you enjoy! And as always, I love feedback. <3

_December 20, 2018_

It’s the voice that first gives David pause as he sits down with his coffee and newspaper. A voice he hasn’t heard in over a month - a voice that of all places he would not have expected to hear in a small cafe in a very small town in the heart of Scotland.

Slowly, he turns his head around to look for the source of the voice, his trained eyes soon locating a woman talking on the phone. And suddenly he feels his hands shaking, the coffee in his cup threatening to spill as he quickly sets it down on the table.

Julia.

For a moment she doesn’t seem to notice him, finishing her phone call and then returning her attention to reading something that doesn’t look like the endless reports he is used to seeing her nose buried in. It has been over a month since the explosion at St. Matthews - or the failed assassionation attempt as it has been most commonly referred to in the news. The bomb that had meant to kill Julia had only partially detonated, causing no greater damage than the Home Secretary being knocked off her feet and suffering a mild concussion and some blood loss. The flying debris had cut some nasty gashes on her and others close to the explosion but fortunately there had been no fatalities.

It could have been much worse. If everything that had been packed under the stage had gone off, as it had been supposed to, all experts had agreed that there would likely have been casualties, the Home Secretary principally among them.

It had been the last time he had seen Julia, her trembling hand reaching for his face before she had passed out, blood gushing through her shirt where a piece of shrapnel had pierced her side. He had held up the bleeding until the paramedics had arrived and whisked her away, and then soon after, his own personal nightmare of being made a suspect had begun.

David shakes his head, bringing his mind back to the present and to the woman occupying the nearby table. As unlikely and unbelievable as it seems, there is no mistaking her identity. The wavy hair cascading down the side of her face partially covers what looks like a small, faded scar lacerating the side of her forehead, but the profile, the line of her mouth and the curve of her forehead...it’s all unmistakably, undeniably Julia Montague. The rush that David feels when the realisation fully settles is something that far surpasses the effects of the double espresso he has been sipping.

Falling back on his military training, he forces himself to sit back and consider the situation despite the strong impulse to simply go to her, consequences be damned. He takes in his surroundings in the little cafe: a few people are scattered here and there, talking, reading, minding their own business, either unaware or unbothered by the fact that the Home Secretary, albeit currently on a leave of absence, is sipping tea and reading a book among them. There’s nobody that too obviously looks like a bodyguard, but the earpiece gives away a man sitting by the door even though instead of a black suit, he is wearing clothes that make him blend in better with the rest of the clientele. As David’s eyes linger on the PPO, the man turns to look at him. His expression doesn’t change, but David has the distinct feeling that he has been recognised, especially when the man’s eyes quickly dart to his principal and then back to David, as if trying to determine whether he ought to be considered some sort of a threat. 

David considers going up to the man to inform him of his intention to approach his principal, but then Julia looks up, as if suddenly aware that she has somehow garnered unwanted attention. She looks first at her PPO and then follows the man’s gaze to David. He can see all the colour drain from her face. She shifts as if thinking of moving but then remains put and looks at her book again, eyes staring blankly at the page she had just been reading.

David decides to act. He stands up and at the same moment sees the PPO shift as if ready to sprint up too, but then sits back as Julia appears to give him a signal to stay put. She closes her book and watches David approach, the erratic movement of her thumb on the cover revealing a nervous tick. When he reaches her table, they both look at each other for a moment.

“May I...sit down?” he asks a little awkwardly after a beat.

Julia looks around. It’s a small cafe and though nobody appears to be listening, David notes that anyone who wanted to could probably hear them. She picks up her book and shoves it into her bag.

“Let’s walk instead,” she says tightly and stands up, giving her PPO a pointed look.

“Aye,” David murmurs, breathing in her familiar scent as she sweeps past him. He follows her out into the crisp winter air and pulls his coat more tightly around himself.

It’s barely 5pm but it’s already dark outside and even the high street looks deserted. David follows Julia’s lead and falls into step beside her, her PPO following at a discreet distance.

“What are you doing here?” David blurts out at last when Julia remains silent. Even though her location after being released from hospital had not been publicly disclosed, it had been generally assumed by the press that she would be staying in her childhood home in Cheltenham until the dust settled in the capital. It occurs to him now that perhaps that information had been spread on purpose to keep her real location a mystery.

“It’s remote and about as far from London as can be on this island,” she replies simply. “I have been advised to lie low until they are certain that there is no further threat to my life.” She pauses and harrumphs. “Of course it also suits certain people to keep me out of the way, but after two attempts on my life I wasn’t in the mood to argue when this was proposed.”

She pauses again and finally glances at David. “Not that I seem to have done a very good job at hiding since you found me anyway.”

“I wasn’t looking for you,” David replies quickly, wanting to assure her that he isn’t here to stalk her, but her expression seems to rather harden at his words.

“Of course,” she says curtly. “Why would you be?”

David studies her for a moment. Before he can say anything, Julia speaks up again:

“What brings you here then?” she asks and he can hear the attempt at levity in her voice. “You’re not from this part of Scotland.”

“Not exactly, no,” David admits, a little surprised that she seems to know this. “I’m just visiting a friend.”

Julia stops walking and turns to look at him. “The wanting-to-shoot-my-brains-out kind?” she deadpans.

David feels the sting of her words. Despite having been cleared of any involvement in the two assassionation attempts, he knows he is not completely free of guilt. He should have told her about Andy. He should have told her about the spying.

“Not that kind,” he replies quietly. “Just an old friend from school,” he adds when Julia starts walking again. “He moved near here a while ago. Keeps cattle.”

David doubts that Julia really cares what his friend does, but he wants to keep talking.

“Highland cattle,” he adds.

Julia doesn’t reply but David thinks he can see her lips quirk a little.

“With the cute fringes and all,” he continues hopefully. “I could take you to see them.”

“It’s dark, David,” Julia finally says and she doesn’t seem to be smiling anymore. They have turned into a side street and David wonders if there is a car waiting or if she is actually staying somewhere nearby. He doesn’t see any cars that would fit her style.

“Tomorrow’s a new day,” he says after a beat.

“Who says I’ll be here tomorrow?” Julia retorts but David isn’t sure whether she means it.

They continue walking for a moment in silence.

“I would like it if you were,” David says at last. He pauses and reaches for Julia’s hand, and for a moment he is brought back to the moment at St. Matthews where she had been the one to reach for his. She had trusted him then and he had failed her on more than one count.

“Julia,” he says softly, looking down at their joined hands as he squeezes her fingers. “I’m so, so sorry.”

He has barely spoken the words when he sees a snowflake land and melt on Julia’s lashes, and suddenly she blinks and pulls her hand away to adjust her collar higher. When David looks up, he sees a flurry of similar flakes floating down above them.

“It’s snowing,” he breathes.

“Astute,” Julia retorts, looking up as well. Then her eyes turn back to David and she looks indecisive.

“I’m staying at a hotel down the road,” she says at last. She pauses for a moment, looks down at the ground and then at David again. “I was thinking of staying over the holidays.”

“Was?” he asks with a sinking feeling.

“I guess I still am, I don’t know,” she sighs and some of her frostiness seems to melt.

“If you would prefer me to leave…” David starts.

“Don’t change your plans on my account,” Julia replies, not really looking at him. “I’m sure you’ll be heading down to your family for the holidays soon anyway and we can go our separate ways.”

David thinks of Vicky and the kids, recalling the conversation with Vicky when she had nervously told him she would like to take the kids to her parents’ for the holidays and invite her new partner as well. It had hurt, but much less than he had once thought it would. When he had started his therapy a little over a month ago, he had thought it would be his ticket back to his estranged wife, but now he is starting to think it has only taught him to let go instead.

His silence seems to draw Julia’s attention.

“Did I put my foot in it again?” she asks.

“Vicky is taking the kids and her new partner to her parents,” David replies, clenching his jaw.

He registers the surprise on Julia’s face.

“But you looked so...” she starts and then closes her mouth. She looks at David with surprising compassion for a moment. “You still love her,” she says quietly. It sounds like something between a question and a statement. David assumes she must have seen the same footage as the rest of the world, of him and Vicky walking slowly together across the city while he had been strapped to the bomb vest. Her bravery and commitment, and their mutual love had been made much of in the tabloids after his name had been cleared, and nobody had bothered to check that she was actually dating someone else.

He shrugs, not really sure how to answer. Much has happened since that day. “I’m mostly just gutted I’m not seeing the kids,” he says at last. He wants to tell Julia that right now, with her here with him, he doesn’t really miss Vicky at all, but he isn’t sure how it would be taken. In the brief time he has been in her presence, she has done nothing to indicate that she wants to continue what they had started before St. Matthews.

“That must be awful,” Julia replies sympathetically, “not seeing your children at Christmas.” Then, as if remembering that she had not meant to be friendly, she clears her throat and stands a little straighter. “Well…I suppose this is it then,” she says in what David considers her office voice.

“It doesn’t have to be,” he replies quickly, deciding that the fact that they have somehow run into each other in the little town of Pitlochry, in rural Scotland, is too much of a coincidence to simply let it pass. He has to at least try to seize the opportunity to make things right between them.

Julia looks at him expectantly but doesn’t speak. David considers it better than a direct dismissal.

“I know you have no reason to trust me and I suppose I can’t really ask you to,” he says after a beat. “But I would like you to at least hear my side of the story.” He places his hand on Julia’s arm as he speaks. He watches as another snowflake lands on her eyelashes and she blinks it away. Several others have already fallen on her coat.

“If you can’t forgive me, I can accept that,” he adds at last, their breaths mingling in the cold air between them, more and more snow falling down on both of them. “But at least give me a chance to explain.”

Julia seems to consider his words. Then she looks up at the sky and frowns.

“Shouldn’t you get back to where you are staying before it snows more?” she asks.

“It’s just a little flurry,” David shrugs. “It will pass and leave the ground no whiter than it is now. Happens all the time here.”

He looks at Julia and can see her wavering. Finally she releases a breath, almost visibly deflating.

“Fine,” she sighs. “Let’s talk, but not here. My suite has a roof and is much warmer.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Adjoining room, huh?” David notes as Julia’s PPO finally retreats to his quarters after thoroughly searching David for any hidden weapons.

“I’m not sleeping with him,” Julia retorts as she walks past the plush couch by the fire that has already been lit in the room. It’s very different from the dark, modern suite of The Blackwood, but in its own, rustic way no less luxurious.

“I didn’t think you were,” David replies. Still, he cannot help imagining that it could have been him in that adjoining room now if he hadn’t made a mess of everything. Just the two of them here, in the middle of nowhere, with no prying eyes on them. It could have been almost like a...

“I’ve learned my lesson,” Julia’s voice brings him back to reality. She pours herself a glass of wine and then offers one to David. He accepts it with an absentminded nod and watches as she fills another glass.

“I don’t spend any time with him that I don’t have to,” she continues as she hands David the other glass, “And I certainly don’t talk to him about anything that isn’t directly relevant to his job.”

Their fingers touch briefly as the glass passes between them, but Julia withdraws her hand almost immediately and takes a sip of her own wine.

David looks down at his drink for a moment, aware that her words were meant as a jab at him. 

“I deserved that,” he says at last, looking up at Julia. “I know I betrayed your trust.”

Julia takes another sip of wine and holds David’s gaze as if weighing his sincerity. Finally she blinks and turns away.

“I suppose it was my own fault, trusting someone I barely knew,” she replies coolly. 

She pauses for a beat and then pinches the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes.

“Was _any_ of it actually real?” she asks without looking at him.

David sets his glass down and steps closer, his hands hovering for a moment over Julia’s shoulders before he withdraws them, afraid that his touch would not be welcome. She opens her eyes the moment he pulls his hands away.

“Julia...” he starts but struggles to find the right words to continue. Standing this close, he can feel the familiar electricity between them and wonders if she can feel it, too.

If she does, she doesn’t say it and does nothing to show it.

“Would I be here now if it hadn’t been?” he counters at last. “If none of it had meant anything, would I care about your forgiveness?”

Julia appears a little taken aback by his question, as if she had been expecting a groveling response that she could easily dismiss as a lie. Now, she has to take a moment to consider his words.

“I don’t know,” she sighs at last, a hint of defeat in her voice.

“I’m not even working at the moment,” David presses on. “That’s a fact you can even verify if you need to. I have no one to report to. I’m here right now because what you think of me matters.”

“I already know that,” Julia replies, putting more distance between them as she moves to sit down on the sofa. “That you’re not working,” she clarifies coolly. “What other motives you might have, I have no idea.”

David takes a big gulp of his wine and then circles around to sit on one of the plush chairs near the sofa. He hadn’t expected this to be easy, and he can see that Julia has no intention of making it any easier for him. He stares at his drink for a moment, trying to decide where and how to start. 

He has thought of it before, of course: what he would say if he had a chance to talk to Julia again, but now that he is here and she is sitting only a short distance away, looking at him expectantly, none of the planned words seem to come to him.

“By all means, take your time,” Julia says dryly, interrupting his thoughts. “Take full advantage of the fact I’m not needed or wanted anywhere else.”

There’s a hint of bitterness in her tone, and David can only imagine how ill-timed this leave of absence must be. She had been close to making a move, and now that momentum has been taken from her. Other people are making their moves in Westminster while she has to bide her time, still not certain that her life isn’t in danger anymore, even though several arrests have already been made. He would like to remind her that she could have lost much more, and the fact that she’s alive is more important than anything else, but something tells him she doesn’t want to hear that from him now. 

“I never expected any of it to happen,” he says at last.

“You’ve said that before,” Julia retorts. She looks at her half-empty glass and then at the wine bottle she has left on the other table. “How drunk would you say I need to be for this drivel?”

“I mean, _any_ of it,” David continues, ignoring her sarcastic question. “The train, the promotion, you, what happened between us…” He trails off and looks at Julia, trying to gauge her reaction. This time she doesn’t interrupt him.

“Least of all I expected to be coerced by my superior officers into doing something illegal,” he finishes after a beat and looks at Julia intently, willing her to look at him. “Because that’s what they did. It was either agreeing to spy on you or having my family removed from the safe house.”

This, at last, earns a look from Julia. “”They did what?” she snaps, sarcasm disappearing from her tone as she looks genuinely shocked.

“I was in over my head,” David continues now that he has Julia’s full attention. “I didn’t know what to do so I agreed to spy, but reported back as little as I could get away with. I told them nothing they could have used against you.”

He watches Julia take in a deep breath. She takes a sip of her drink and then stares at the liquid for a moment.

“I knew she had it in for me,” she mutters at last. “Sampson.”

“What about Craddock?” David points out. “She was the one leaking information. She’s the reason you almost...” He doesn’t want to finish the sentence.

“I don’t know Craddock,” Julia replies, not pausing on the thought of what might have happened. “Whatever her motives were, I doubt they were as personal. Sampson on the other hand...if she didn’t want me dead, she certainly wanted me out of the way.”

David cannot deny the truth of that.

“Did you try to get closer to me to get more information?” Julia jumps to the next question before he can say anything. “Was that all part of the plan?”

“I was put in the adjoining room to be able to listen in,” David replies honestly. “Anything else that happened wasn’t part of the plan.”

Julia smiles wryly. “Wasn’t part of the plan,” she repeats. “And yet none of it would have happened if you hadn’t been put in that adjoining room,” she adds after a beat.

David pauses to consider. He is not entirely sure that they wouldn’t have ended up in bed together again regardless. Not being in connected rooms certainly hadn’t stopped them the first time.

“I wouldn’t change those days and weeks for anything,” he says instead. He hesitates a moment. “This might sound weird,” he says at last, “but I think you might have saved my life.”

“Me?” Julia looks surprised, her cool exterior breaking a little again. “Being involved in all this almost got you killed,” she points out and David notes the little crack in her voice as she speaks.

“My life had been spiraling for a long time before I met you,” he admits, looking down at his hands. “I’d lost my wife and kids, I had PTSD that I refused to talk to anyone about, I was trying to treat the symptoms with alcohol. All I had was my job, and I was good at it.” He pauses, looks at Julia, and his eyes drop briefly to her neck that doesn’t bear any lasting marks from where his hands had strangled her. “Well, I thought I was, anyway,” he adds quietly. 

Silence falls between them for a moment.

“I never knew,” Julia says at last, her voice softer than before as she picks up on what he is referring to. “Not until that night.”

“I thought you were going to dismiss me,” David admits.

“I thought I was going to dismiss you too,” Julia replies, looking absent for a moment. She takes a sip of her wine and then fixes her eyes on David. “I knew I should have.”

“Then why didn’t you?” He thinks he knows the answer, but he would like to hear her say it. He regrets the question almost instantly, though, as he sees Julia’s expression harden again.

“I thought I had feelings for you. Then, of course, l found out I didn’t even know you,” she replies coolly.

“And now?” David asks. “You have no feelings for me?”

Julia stands up and walks over to where she had left the wine bottle. She tops up her half-filled glass and takes a sip.

“None,” she replies at last, running her fingers through her hair.

David bends his head down. He is not sure if she truly means what she has just said, but he knows she wants to mean it, and it feels like almost the same thing. Slowly, tentatively, he gets up from his seat and walks over to where Julia is standing. 

“None?” he repeats in a low rumble.

“Don’t,” she warns him. Then she puts her glass down and, despite her words, lifts her fingers to touch the slight stubble on his cheek.

He closes his eyes, savouring her touch. 

When he opens them again, he is not sure who initiates the kiss. Perhaps they both do at the same moment. All he knows is that suddenly her hand is fully pressed against his face and both of his are on her waist, desperately pulling her closer as their mouths meet hungrily in the middle.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” Julia breathes as her fingers start fumbling with David’s belt.

“Mm hmm,” he grunts in response and quickly divests Julia of her cashmere shirt, groaning in frustration as he finds another layer underneath it.

“Fuck winter,” he mutters and earns an unexpected giggle from Julia as they start tumbling towards the bedroom, gradually relieving each other of various items of clothing. By the bed, his fingers pause on the spot on her side where he had held his hand to stop her bleeding, now marked by a scar that is still healing.

“Does it…?” he starts, but Julia interrupts him with an impatient kiss.

“Don’t...” she hushes him. “Don’t talk,” she breathes, taking hold of his hand on her waist and moving it between her legs.

“Try that instead,” she mumbles against his mouth.

David pauses for a moment but then accepts that whatever is happening now has to be on her terms.

“Yes, ma’am,” he obeys, eliciting a gasp from Julia as he applies more pressure and then sinks two of his fingers into her warm folds.

With one hand between her legs and another on her waist, he guides her to sit on the edge of the bed and then kneels down in front of her.

“Who said you could stop?” Julia protests when he suddenly slides his hand down her inner thigh, wiping his wet fingers on her skin.

David smirks as his hands reach Julia’s knee and he starts pushing them further apart.

“Who said anything about stopping?” he teases.

“Hmm,” Julia hums, leaning forward to cup his face between her hands, briefly sucking his bottom lip into her mouth. “Good boy.” Then she leans back against her hands and, throwing her head back, thrusts her hips forward as if he needed further encouragement.

But he takes his time. He trails his way slowly along the soft skin of Julia’s inner thighs and can sense her impatience both in the bucking of her hips and in the whimper that escapes her when his tongue finally reaches its target. He gives her a few teasing licks and then pauses to watch as Julia’s fingers curl to grip the sheet underneath her.

“If you stop now I swear...” she breathes but David doesn’t give her the chance to finish her sentence as he goes in again, this time applying his tongue on her core with more purpose until all he can hear is Julia’s gasps and whimpers, and all he can taste is her ecstasy on his lips.

He gives her a moment afterwards, still kneeling down between her legs as she catches her breath, watching the results of his own work with some satisfaction. He can feel his own arousal, still contained within his boxers, throbbing almost painfully in anticipation for more, but he is not sure if this is going to go any further now - wouldn’t hold it against Julia if this was all she wanted from him.

His uncertainty, however, lasts only until he feels Julia’s fingers raking through his hair a moment later. Her hand slides down the side of his face until it reaches his chin, tilting his head up.

David lifts his gaze and they look at each other for a moment in silence, the satiated look on her face slowly fading.

“Should I go?” he asks at last.

Julia’s eyes glide down to the bulge in his boxers and then back to his face, the corners of her lips curving into something like a smile.

“I don’t think we’re done yet,” she replies, pulling him towards herself as she shifts and leans further back on the bed.

Their mouths meet again as David clambers onto the bed and climbs on top of her, their kiss more tender now, slow and exploring.

“Does this still mean nothing?” he asks as he lets her roll him over, cupping her breasts and weighing them in his hands as she straddles him. As soon as he has spoken the words, he knows he shouldn’t have.

She doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look at him as she starts riding him, the brief moment of tenderness gone. It’s still good but it’s not what they had before, as if what they are doing has suddenly turned into an exercise of proving a point.

Afterwards, when Julia climbs off him, he watches as she trots into the bathroom in all her naked glory, her eyes still avoiding his. A moment later, she returns wearing a white hotel robe and then starts picking up her clothes off the floor.

“Use the shower if you want,” she says with an air of indifference that hits David like a cold breeze. “After that I think you’d better leave.”

David nods, a little hurt and confused by the dismissal. He is sure he deserves it, but for one blissful moment he thought they had been heading somewhere else.

Cursing himself for having said something, he gets up and starts going after his clothes. Just as he reaches his jeans, he hears his phone buzz in his pocket. It’s a text from his friend, wondering where he has gotten to.

“Shit,” he mutters, reading the text. 

“What?” Julia asks warily, and David can see her approach in his peripheral vision.

“My friend is checking in on where I am,” he replies, looking towards the window. The view is blocked by a curtain. “Apparently it has snowed quite a bit more than expected.”

He watches Julia move quickly to the window and peek through the curtains. “Fuck, that’s a lot of snow,” she murmurs and he can almost see the wheels turning in her head.

David strides across the room to assess the situation himself. He pauses by Julia’s side, gives her a lingering look that she doesn’t react to and then finally turns his eyes to the window. 

The harmless flurry that had driven them indoors has turned into a full-blown blizzard.The ground that had been black only a while ago is now completely covered in white.

“I better get going,” David sighs reluctantly, not wanting to make Julia decide whether she ought to ask him to stay.

“Into that weather?” she asks doubtfully and David is touched by the apparent concern in her voice. “No…no, you can’t,” she decides finally, turning to look at him at last.

“I’ll be fine,” he assures her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s just a few miles.”

“A few miles?” Julia repeats, incredulous. “What, on foot?”

“I borrowed my friend’s truck. It’s parked just a few blocks away,” David replies. He is not exactly looking forward to the prospect of trying to make it back to his friend’s farm in the weather that only seems to be getting worse, but the last thing he wants is to overstay his welcome.

Julia considers his assurances for a moment. 

“You’ve had wine,” she points out, looking at the unfinished glasses.

“Barely more than a mouthful,” David reminds her. He refrains from pointing out that he sucked more juice out of her only a moment ago.

Julia sighs, stepping away from the window. She paces the room for a moment and then steps to another window, as if the weather would look any better from there.

“Well, I can’t let you walk or drive in the dark in that weather,” she says at last, staring out into the night. “Just tell your friend you’re staying in town for the night.”

“What will I tell him? That I met someone and I’m staying the night?” he asks, half teasing, half serious.

Julia frowns. “He’ll think you’re hooking up with someone.”

“Isn’t that what happened?”

Julia glares at him but doesn’t answer.

“You’re sleeping in another room,” she says coolly. “The nearest rooms are all empty, except for my PPO in the adjoining one. Go tell him that you’re staying because of the weather and need a key.” She pauses and looks at David for a moment. “That’s the _only_ reason you’re staying.”

David nods. The message is loud and clear. She might not want him to come to any harm, but she doesn’t want him anywhere near herself either.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s still dark outside when David wakes up with a start, his breathing and pulse slowly returning to normal as he takes in the unfamiliar room around him. The nightmares have been less frequent after he started therapy, but now he dreamt of St. Matthew’s again. He was running towards Julia, as so often before, but somehow the distance doubled and the corridor was full of people, slowing him down. He knew, in the dream, that at any moment the bomb would go off, and yet everything seemed to conspire against him reaching her in time.

Running his hands over his face, David sinks back against the pillows and then props himself up again in sudden alarm, certain he has heard a sound. Holding his breath, he listens more closely for a moment, but apart from a soft creak that could have been a step on the corridor or just the old building making its own noises, he hears nothing to give him a cause for further investigation.

Still anxious from his dream, David tosses his duvet aside regardless and gets out of bed, noting that the clock on his nightstand has yet to reach 5 am. After pausing once more to listen for any signs of movement in or near Julia’s suite, he stands in the middle of the dark room for a moment, indecisive. Then, unable to think of anything better to do, he follows the soft light emanating through the crack between the curtains and tiptoes his way across the room to have a look out of the window.

The blizzard passed over night and has left behind a world covered in snow, bathed in the glow of the nearly full moon. David stands still for a moment, taking in the serene view, breathing in the cool, soothing air that seeps through the thin glass until he feels his anxiety pass. He is about to move away from the window when suddenly his eye catches movement below: a dark figure stepping into the garden and trudging through the snow to stand in the middle of it.

David’s thoughts immediately fly to Julia and for a split second he fears an intruder has found her location. Feeling his pulse quicken, he continues to observe the figure for a while, standing in the middle of the garden as if simply admiring the eerie, moonlit view.

“Julia?” he mutters to himself, his breath forming a small cloud on the window, which he quickly wipes away. Just as he does so, the figure suddenly turns and looks up, and he can see her face as if answering his question.

Worried about being seen, David moves quickly away from the window, not wanting to appear as if he is spying on her again, but he has a feeling he has been too slow. He paces the room for a moment, trying to decide what to do, and then starts pulling his clothes on, telling himself she shouldn’t be out alone - not even here, in the middle of nowhere. 

Within minutes, he has slipped out of his room and made his way down to the reception with as little an appearance of hurry as he can muster. He nods his greeting and mutters a “Good morning” to the receptionist on call and then steps out onto the porch. The air that fills his lungs there is cold and unwelcoming, and everything, including the road leading to the hotel, appears to be covered in fresh snow, untrampled by anything except a solitary set of footprints leading from the porch to the garden.

The knowledge that nobody else has been moving around the hotel since the snow fell makes David relax, and he decides to wait where he is, keeping an eye on the road just in case. A few minutes pass in complete silence and David lets his mind wander to the night before - to Julia’s continued mistrust towards him, and their lovemaking that she would not have agreed to label as such. He had missed her before, of course, but seeing her again now, and experiencing the way their bodies worked together even when their minds were discordant, had only made it harder to let go of the small hope that something more could still be salvaged. He is in the middle of musing on what else he could do to convince Julia of his sincerity when the sound of footsteps, muffled by the snow, catches his attention and he turns to look, the object of his thoughts suddenly standing just a short distance away.

Julia continues to stand still for a moment, as if unsure of whether to approach the porch now that she has seen David. Before she moves, he starts walking slowly towards her, making sure she has time to back away if it’s what she truly wants. To his relief, she stays put.

“Julia,” he says softly when he finally reaches her, not wanting to disturb the silence around them.

She eyes him suspiciously. “What are you doing here?”

David could ask her the same thing. It must still not be even 5 am. 

“I saw you from the window,” he replies instead, looking at Julia with a tenderness she apparently doesn’t want to see because she averts her eyes almost immediately. “I wanted to make sure you were safe,” he adds quietly.

“That’s not your job anymore,” Julia replies coolly, looking at the treetops at the end of the front yard. As David’s gaze follows hers, he notes that that they, too, are covered in snow.

“Am I not allowed to care?” he asks, turning his eyes back to Julia and stepping a little closer.

He watches Julia close her eyes and swallow. For a moment she doesn’t say anything.

“I thought you did,” she whispers at last, the words sounding unusually choked. “Obviously I was mistaken,” she adds, collecting herself quickly.

“I did care,” David insist, grabbing her arms and then quickly letting go as he remembers his touch might not be welcome. “I do care,” he reiterates.

Julia takes a deep breath and David can see her thinking. Judging by her expression, he fears those thoughts are not favourable towards him. When she finally does look at him, it is with doubt and mistrust.

“Maybe instead of empty assurances, you could tell me something I can actually believe,” she sighs at last and then turns to leave, clearly not expecting him to be able to deliver.

For a moment David doesn’t know what to say or how to act. He watches Julia take a few steps towards the porch and all he can think of is that if he lets her go now, it’s all going to be over for them. With his heart suddenly pounding so fast and hard he can hear the rush of blood in his own ears, he decides he has nothing to lose by being completely, brutally honest.

“I wanted to hate you,” he calls after her and sees Julia stop in her tracks.

If she wants the truth, he’s determined to give it to her. He starts walking after her and pauses just inches from her back. 

“You and your politics represented everything I despised,” he continues, recalling his prejudices from before. “And when I first met you, you seemed to perfectly fit the image I had of you.”

He knows his words must sound harsh, but more than anything, he wants her to believe that he is only telling her the truth, about this and about what is to follow.

“What you’re saying is I seemed like a total cow?” Julia suggests wryly, but David can hear the hurt in her voice. “I suppose that’s fair enough, given the way I behaved towards you that day.”

David shuffles a little closer behind her. He hesitates a moment and then lets his hands graze Julia’s arms. She sways a little but doesn’t pull away.

“Just on that first day,” he replies, leaning close to her ear. “And then you did something I would never have expected. It made me question what I really knew about you.”

Julia doesn’t reply, perhaps waiting for him to elaborate.

“You apologised,” David continues, his hands settling a little more firmly on her arms when she doesn’t protest his touch. “I didn’t expect that.”

He hears a non-committal hum from Julia and wishes she would turn around to face him. On the other hand, it feels almost easier to talk to her back instead.

“The more I got to know you, the more I didn’t know what to think,” he continues after a beat. “There was a constant conflict between what I was learning about you in private and what everyone else kept telling me.”

“Well, _that_ I can believe,” Julia mutters under her breath, finally breaking her silence. David waits for her to continue but she doesn’t offer any further comment.

“Lorraine Craddock and Anne Sampson…” he starts again and then trails off for a moment as he thinks back to the day he had first been cornered by his two superiors. The memory of it makes him grind his teeth in anger. “While threatening to pull my family from protection, they told me you had known about the threat to the school and done nothing,” he adds bitterly.

David hears Julia’s intake of breath and can feel her shift as if ready to spin around, but still she stays put. He continues: “I wasn’t sure that they were telling the truth, but I also couldn’t be sure that they weren’t. I had reason to believe you knew what school my children went to.”

“So you kept trying to ask me,” Julia finishes for him. She shakes her head and kicks the loose snow in front of her. “They were probably counting on it that you would ask, and if they got evidence of me revealing that level of confidential information…”

She doesn’t need to finish her sentence, the implication clear enough. They both fall silent for a moment.

“Well, it’s no wonder you hated me,” Julia sighs at last, “if you thought I had put your children, or any children, at risk with such negligence.” She pauses for a moment, clearly considering her next words. “Perhaps I should have shut down all the schools that were considered possible targets,” she continues eventually. “But that could have…”

“...resulted in another attack you would have been less prepared for,” David cuts her off, sliding his hands up and down her arms in what he hopes is a soothing manner. “I understand that now. What you did by ordering the ARVs to protect the schools was the best you could do and it saved my children’s lives when my own stupidity had put them at risk in the first place.”

His voice cracks as he speaks, the memory of his own, nearly fatal mistake still haunting him. He is still trying to gain control over his own emotions when Julia suddenly turns around, her dark eyes filled with compassion.

“It was my fault,” he says, clenching his jaw in an attempt to hold himself in check. “I showed her their pictures and said her their names, and if it weren’t for you…”

“Don’t be silly,” Julia interrupts him, her tone much warmer than the words that to someone who didn’t know her might sound a little harsh. “Your name was all over the papers after October 3rd. It wouldn’t have been too hard for them to find out your children’s names even if you hadn’t told them anything. Your _own boss_ was leaking them information.”

She pauses for a moment and David takes in her words. It doesn’t change the fact that he had been incredibly stupid to share such personal information with a potential terrorist, but he has to admit Julia has a point. What he did or did not tell Nadia would not have made any difference.

“Besides,” she adds more softly, her eyes resting on his chest rather than meeting his gaze. “You were following your instincts and you’re not trained to negotiate. You did what you thought was best at that moment. Don’t beat yourself up.”

David bites the inside of his cheek. Vicky had said something similar before to reassure him, but somehow hearing it from Julia feels different, as if her words carry more weight.

Because she doesn’t say things simply because they are what people want to hear, and right now he could kiss her for it.

“Julia...” he starts, trying to put that feeling into words.

“I should go back in,” she says, just as David shifts to move closer. “It’s cold.”

Before she can move, he grabs her hand. Julia looks at him impatiently.

“What more do you want from me?” she asks, exasperated.

“I want you to know I never wanted to spy on you,” he says, looking at her earnestly. “And I didn’t tell you, or anyone, about Andy because I was scared and confused and in shock, and the more time passed, the harder it became to say anything without looking like I had somehow been complicit. I should have identified him straight away but I was afraid it would somehow be turned against me. I felt trapped in a hole that I was just constantly digging myself deeper into. I wanted to tell you everything but I was afraid of losing you, too.”

David is aware of his voice growing increasingly agitated as the words tumble out of his mouth, but once he starts, he wants to let it all come out. When he pauses for breath, he looks at Julia expectantly, ready to hear if she has anything to say, but she remains silent, perhaps still trying to process everything he has said.

“You asked me yesterday if any of it was real,” he continues after a beat, his eyes dropping to their joined hands, his voice calmer again. “When I think back to those few weeks, almost none of it feels real, except the moments when it was just you and me in that hotel suite.”

He squeezes Julia’s hand and sees her draw in a shaky breath.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers, looking up to meet her gaze again.

He watches a series of microexpressions cross Julia’s face as she seems to waver for a moment. Then, slowly, she pulls her hand from his and moves it up to briefly caress his face.

“I’m still cold,” she says at last, dropping her hand and closing her fingers around his again. “Let’s go back inside.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you have enjoyed and please do keep commenting.The story sort of concludes here but since everyone has been so good this year, you all get an epilogue on Christmas Eve. :)

Julia doesn’t look back as she walks with brisk steps towards her suite. She doesn’t need to. She’s aware of David following close behind, naturally falling two steps behind her almost as if he were her PPO again, and the thought of the ease with which she has allowed it to happen sits uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. 

She swore to herself the night before that she would let him leave in the morning without speaking to him again. And yet here she is, walking back to her room with him in tow after one moonlit encounter in the early hours of the day. Once again, she has listened to her heart instead of reason when it comes to David Budd, and the thought terrifies her. 

When they reach the door to her suite, she fumbles for the key card in her pocket, swipes it against the reader and pushes the door open, trying not to make too much noise to rouse her actual PPO. David follows her in but pauses just after the threshold, looking a little uncertain. As Julia shrugs off her coat, she’s aware of his eyes on her.

“I hope your room was comfortable,” she says, hanging the coat in the closet. “I won’t ask if you slept well since we’re both here at 5 am, awake,” she adds dryly.

David takes a step deeper into the room and when Julia looks at him, she sees his face relax. It’s an almost imperceptible change on his stoic face, but she has learned to recognise the shift.

“It was very comfortable, thank you,” he replies, pulling down the zipper of his coat.

Julia nods and walks up to the nearest window. It’s still dark and now, with lights on inside, she can only see her own reflection in the glass, and nothing of the world outside.

“Would you rather I left?” She hears David’s voice from behind her as she adjusts her hair.

Julia sighs, then turns away from the window. She would rather be in her office, chewing off her staff before a cabinet meeting. She would rather have David between her legs again and forget anything else existed. She would rather erase the last month entirely and be back in The Blackwood hotel, oblivious to all his secrets.

“I don’t know what I want, David,” she admits after a beat. She walks slowly up to David and slides her hands inside his open coat. The warmth of his body feels wonderful on her cold fingers and for a moment she simply rests her hands on his waist.

It would be easy to take it further. She could lean in and kiss him. She could slide her hands under his shirt, feel his skin, his taut muscles underneath her palms, and postpone this conversation, perhaps indefinitely - sleep with him one last time and then, as soon as the sun was up, send him on his way. Just sex, nothing more, like it always should have been.

Her mouth hovers close to his, tempted but still held back by doubt. When she doesn’t make a move, he dips his face forward slightly but she sways back just enough to avoid contact. It wouldn’t be just sex and she knows it. It never was. 

“I do, you know,” she mutters as she takes a step back and moves her hands up to remove David’s coat, breaking the moment. “Still have feelings for you, as you put it.” She takes the coat and goes to hang it in the closet next to her own. Somehow it feels good to admit it out loud. It’s not as if she has been hiding it particularly well anyway. “I would have left you in that cafe yesterday if I didn’t,” she adds.

David’s eyes follow her across the room but he doesn’t say anything. Julia weighs her next words carefully.

“I believe everything you have told me today and last night,” she continues at last, walking up to him again but stopping just short of touching distance, “and I feel bad for what you and your family have been through. I really do.”

“But?” David supplies for her.

Julia takes a deep breath. The unspoken “but” that she doesn’t quite know how to put into words but knows that she must.

“Before the speech, at St. Matthews, when I told you I wanted you right beside me…” she starts and then pauses, the memory of the day still painful in more ways than one. “I thought what we had was something we were in together - that what we had was mutual,” she continues. “I trusted you and thought the only thing still casting a shadow between us was what I knew and withheld about your children’s school. I could tell it troubled you so, despite my better judgment, I told you what I knew.” She pauses again, twisting the signet ring on her finger. 

“But it wasn’t mutual, was it?” she asks at last. “Not equal, anyway,” she amends. “You had your reasons to act the way you did, but the truth is we didn’t really want the same thing. You wanted to keep your family safe and probably eventually get back together with your wife if you could. I was just a distraction - a momentary lapse of judgement. And yet to me, you were...”

She doesn’t finish the sentence, not wanting to tear open a still healing wound any more than it already has been torn. Julia looks at David and sees him open his mouth, about to speak.

“Don’t say anything that isn’t true,” she warns him. “I’d rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Julia,” David says, stepping closer to bridge the distance she has, without even noticing, put between them again.

Julia eyes him warily but allows him to enter her personal space. She longs for his touch as much as she fears being swayed by it.

“If I could have had my choice of you or Vicky on that day, I probably would have chosen Vicky, you are right,” he admits, pulling Julia’s hand into his as he speaks. Despite her instinct to pull away, she closes her eyes and lets herself feel his touch, along with the hurt that comes with it. “At the time I thought having her and the kids back would make me whole again,” he continues, his voice thick with emotion. “All I wanted was the life I’d had before the war.”

“Oh, David,” Julia sighs, opening her eyes to see the pain in his. As much as she would like to feel angry and used, she finds herself instead hurting for him as much as she is hurting for herself. 

“What I really needed was therapy,” David continues, lifting his other hand to move a strand of hair off Julia’s face. “And I’ve started that now.” There’s a hint of a smile on his face. “I know it’s a long journey but I already feel much better.”

Julia can’t help but join his smile. “I’m glad,” she whispers, squeezing his hand. “Maybe that’s what you should focus on for now.”

David looks at her for a moment, thoughtful. “Aye,” he says at last. “But I think part of that is fixing the relationships that are important to me.”

He pulls her hand to his chest and continues: “You are important to me.”

Julia swallows down a lump in her throat. For once, she doesn’t know what to say. There are many reasons why she should pull her hand away and put a stop to this, but at that moment none of them seem important enough.

“You came into my life when everything was dark and you brought light to it,” David continues. His accent sounds thicker than usual, laden with emotion. “I had forgotten what it felt like to feel happy, even for a fleeting moment, until I woke up next to you in bed one morning and saw you looking at me, smiling like you were actually happy to have me there.”

Julia blinks away moisture from her eyes and squeezes his hand. “I was,” she whispers and presses her forehead against his. They had stayed up late the night before, making love and talking until he had fallen asleep next to her, exhausted and spent, a little buzzed from the bottle of wine they had shared between them. When she had woken up the next morning, he had still been there, asleep, looking so relaxed she had not had had the heart to wake him. She had known then that she was falling in love with him, and had done nothing to curb those feelings. In hindsight, it was just a blip in a series of mistakes she had made regarding him, but hopelessly irreversible now.

“So what now?” she asks, tilting her head back again to look at David.

He looks at her for a moment. Then, his lips quirk to form a tentative smile. “I suppose you wouldn’t let me stay here over Christmas to find out?”

Julia raises her eyebrow. The idea tickles her more than she wants to admit. Besides, it seems clear that they can’t resolve whatever this is in a day.

“And what would you tell your friend, or your parents if they’re waiting for you to join them for Christmas?” she asks, frowning slightly.

“That I met an old flame?” David suggests.

“If you start calling me old now, this deal is off,” Julia replies dryly, but her lips curl into a smile for a moment. Then she grows serious again and steps away from his touch.

“You do have to tell them something, though, and I will have to either dismiss my PPO or hope he doesn’t talk.” She gives David a pointed look and raises her eyebrow. “And thanks to the previous guy they assigned to me, I’m not particularly inclined to trust anyone in that position.”

“That previous guy sounds like an idiot,” David replies. He walks up to Julia again and circles his arms loosely around her. “Maybe this new one is more reliable.”

“Hmm,” Julia hums. “Well, he _is_ privately employed.” She notes the surprise on David’s face and continues: “Seeing as The Met was identified as the source of the leaks, it wasn’t too hard to argue that I should not be protected by The Met until they have sorted out their own problems.” She pauses for a beat. “Using a private security firm seemed to ruffle the least feathers, so here we are and, luckily for us, they’ll be out of business if it turns out they are spying on their clients.”

She thinks for a moment and then concludes: “If it comes out, then it comes out. You’re not my PPO anymore so the worst they can call me is a homewrecker. I’ll have bigger issues to deal with when I get back to work.”

She feels David’s arms more firmly around her. “You’re not a homewrecker, Julia. The only thing keeping my marriage together is the lack of paperwork to dissolve it. I think Vicky would be more than happy to get the process started right after the holidays.”

“If you’re saying that just to please me…” Julia starts. As much as there can be no real future for the two of them as long as David is married, the last thing she wants is to pressure him to divorce for the wrong reasons. “We are still just figuring things out. I don’t know if this is going to work and I don’t want you to divorce your wife on a whim, on my account.”

“I’m not,” David assures her quickly. “It’s what I have been thinking for some time, even before I met you yesterday. It will happen even if this...” he moves his finger between the two of them, “doesn’t happen.” He pauses and looks at Julia seriously. “Even if you get tired of me by Christmas Eve and send me home.”

“That could happen,” Julia muses, but as she allows herself to relax in David’s arms, she doubts very much that it will. She leans in to kiss David but then pulls back, crinkling her nose. “I’ll chuck you out _before_ Christmas Eve, though, if you don’t bring a toothbrush when you go back to your friend’s to get your things. Your breath stinks.”

David steps back. “Shit.” He covers his mouth to test his breath. “I’m sorry.”

Julia tries to hide her smile. “I suppose you can borrow mine if you bring me a new one from town on your way back.” 

“Are you sure?” David asks.

Julia shrugs. “The sun won’t rise for a few more hours and there’s nothing on TV. I could check if they would send a masseuse in at this hour but I…”

“I’ll be right back,” David quips, disappearing into the bathroom.

Julia watches him close the door behind him and then releases her breath, the smile slowly fading from her face as she runs her hand through her hair. For a few moments she is overtaken by a fear that this has all moved too fast and that she is making a momentous mistake, just like she had the first time around. She is already mentally composing a speech to trace back her steps when the bathroom door opens and David steps out, hair still endearingly tousled and stubble growing on his face, but teeth presumably clean. 

He stops when he sees Julia’s face. “What?” he asks, concerned.

Julia shakes her head. “Nothing.” She walks up to David and wraps her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his cheek. It feels warm against her skin.

“It doesn’t matter now. You’re here.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure holiday fluff and syrup so if that's not your thing, please ignore. :)

_Christmas Eve_

When David opens his eyes, it’s already light outside and Julia’s side of the bed is empty. Realising how late it must be, he sits up quickly and looks around for Julia until he hears her moving about in the bathroom, the sound of her brushing her teeth suggesting she has not been up long herself.

Smiling at the memory of the night before, and of the three days that have passed where every day has been better than the last, he stretches languidly for a moment and then finally gets out of bed, unhurried. The bathroom door is slightly ajar and, after giving it a soft knock, he steps inside just as Julia is putting her new toothbrush away. It’s the pinkest one he had been able to find in the local Tesco, and the indignant glare he received from Julia in return was worth it.

“Morning,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around her from behind and burying his face in the nook of her neck. “Did I miss the shower?” he asks, noting that her hair is wet and wondering vaguely how he managed to sleep through the water running. But then, he can hardly remember the last time he slept so well, or woke up feeling so refreshed. 

“I didn’t want to wake you,” Julia replies, running her fingers through his hair as she looks at him in the bathroom mirror. “You looked so peaceful.”

David wonders if she is still afraid to disturb his sleep, considering what happened the one time she had done so in the middle of the night, but he doesn’t want to ask. It can be a discussion for another time. For now, it’s enough that she welcomes him in her bed and lets him stay the night. Brushing the thought aside, David kisses Julia’s neck and breathes in the soft mixture of her shower gel and shampoo, content to be where he is.

There are times he can still sense a certain reticence in Julia, fleeting moments when she seems more distant and closed off, but overall the last couple of days have almost felt like a dream. They have spent time outdoors in the snow, taking long walks to enjoy the breathtaking scenery, and then warmed up in front of the fireplace, huddled together under a shared blanket. Last night they even ventured into town to look at Christmas windows and lights. Thanks to the cold weather and both of them being wrapped up in a lot of clothing, and with Julia’s PPO always keeping a discreet distance, they were able to move around without anyone as much as looking at them twice, like any other couple strolling the streets, getting into the holiday spirit.

Apart from holding hands, they have avoided most displays of affection in public, but they have made up for it many times over in the privacy of Julia’s suite. If David had to pick a word to describe the time he has spent with her, the choice would be easy: happy. He had already experienced moments of happiness with her before, but at the time too much had been weighing on him for those moments to last for very long or to be able to withstand the overwhelming pressure of the position he had been in. Now that his conscience is clear, letting that happiness stretch from moments to days has felt surprisingly easy. 

“David?” Julia’s voice brings him to present and he loosens his hands on her waist so she can turn around to face him.

“Hmm?” He wipes a bit of toothpaste off the side of her mouth and then presses a light kiss on the same spot.

“Is there anything specific you want to do for Christmas?” she asks as he pulls back.

David hasn’t really thought about it.

“I don’t want you to miss out on any traditions just because you’re holed up here with me,” she continues, frowning slightly. 

“If I’m missing out on any traditions it’s because I’m not with my kids,” he replies, playing with the knot of the belt that keeps Julia’s robe in place. “Even without you it would have been a different Christmas.”

She smiles plaintively as she touches his cheek with the tips of her fingers. “I’m sorry,” she says. 

David takes her hand and guides it to his lips.

“I’m not sorry to be here with you,” he says. “And I hope you’re not sorry to have me,” he adds after a beat.

“You would know if I were,” Julia replies with a slight quirk of her lips. She lets David pull at the belt of her robe again until this time it comes loose and he is able to slide his hands inside it. “I was serious, though, about my question,” she hums as he cups her breasts, only half paying attention to her words. “Yes, they’re still there,” she remarks as he greets them both with a soft massage.

David looks up, his hands pausing their ministrations. She looks half amused, half exasperated.

He takes a moment to consider and recall her question. “I don’t think there’s anything special, really,” he says at last. “Midnight mass could be an experience, but New Year’s is actually more our thing up here.”

“Is it?” Julia raises an eyebrow.

David pauses. They talked about spending Christmas together. They haven’t yet even mentioned New Year.

“Maybe you should stay and find out,” he suggests after a beat and then holds his breath as he looks at Julia to gauge her reaction.

She runs her fingers through his hair again and then rests her hand on the side of his face, her nails grazing the back of his ear. Instinctively, he tilts his head slightly towards her touch. 

“I doubt I’ll be needed in London before Parliament is back in session, and that won’t be before New Year,” she says at last but her mind seems, for a moment, to be miles away. Then her eyes focus on David again and there’s a look of wistfulness in them. “We can’t stay cocooned here forever,” she continues. “I have to go back to fight for my place in the new cabinet. There’s even been talk of a new election, and if that happens, I have to be ready for it.”

David listens to her words with a sinking feeling. He feels Julia’s hands come to rest gingerly on his hips and he pulls her fully into his embrace, not wanting to let her go.

“London might not be safe for me yet but I will have to move closer to it,” she continues against his shoulder. “I’ll need to bring Tahir in and start interviewing other candidates to replace Rob - get a proper team around me again.”

David mulls over her words for a while in silence. He presses his lips against the side of Julia’s head and then pulls back enough to see her face again.

“Is there room for me in any of that?” he asks, worried about what the answer might be. 

Julia looks at him for a long moment and David has a distinct feeling that even she doesn’t know the answer.

“I think there _was_ a spot right beside me a while ago,” she starts at last, running a finger down David’s chest. “I guess I’ll have to check if that’s still available.”

“If it is,” David replies, capturing her wandering hand and intertwining her fingers with his, “I would like to put in for it.”

“Well then,” Julia replies, slowly leaning in to kiss him. “If you’re serious about your application,” she whispers against his mouth, “I’m in a position to inform you that you have already passed your oral and physical exams, but I’m open to a repeat performance if you want to earn extra credits.”

David chuckles as he pulls Julia closer again and then slides the robe off her shoulders before backing her against the tiles of the bathroom.

“Do you mind if I start now?” he asks. “I am very serious about my application.”

Julia hooks her finger around the elastic of his boxers and pulls at the fabric enough to take a peek inside. Her lips curve into a satisfied smirk.

“Well, if you want to...put in for it, as you say…” she drawls. “I might have an opening for you.”

David leans down to kiss her neck. “Too bad you already showered,” he mumbles against her skin and then looks up to make sure this is what she wants.

Julia smirks and then kisses him again. “I don’t mind getting wet,” she whispers teasingly as their lips part for a moment. “So how about it, Sargeant Budd?”

“At your service, ma’am,” David replies, leaning in to reclaim her lips.

****

They end up going to midnight mass after a day spent mostly indoors. It has snowed again during the day and as they step out into the night, the ground is covered with a fresh layer of it, while the odd few flakes still float down from the sky. Neither considers themselves particularly religious, but it is the only tradition David could remember from his own childhood that didn’t somehow revolve around having children or being a child, and the thought of a romantic walk to the town church on Christmas Eve, and seeing all the lights along the way, had seemed appealing enough. Besides, the promise of wine at the destination had sold the idea to Julia before he could even go into more detail about the mass itself.

“We don’t have to stay for the whole thing,” David says as he reaches for Julia’s hand.

Their fingers interlace and she gives his hand a squeeze in return.

“Are you saying that because you don’t want to stay or because you think I wouldn’t want to?” she asks.

“Both,” he replies. “What I remember from my childhood is that it always seemed to go on forever,” he says, glancing at Julia as they walk on. “You’re not Catholic and I’m not a practising one so...”

“So you suggest we just go there, drink the wine, and leave?” Julia finishes for him. She smirks as she shuffles a little closer to David. “You won’t hear me complain,” she decides after some brief consideration.

“Thought as much,” David replies with a barely concealed grin, wrapping his arm around Julia so that she can properly burrow into his side.

They walk in silence the rest of the way to the church. The quiet, almost magical beauty of the night seems to beg not to be disturbed and they both are content simply to be experiencing it together, no words exchanged. It is only when the church is already in view, the path leading to it lit up with dozens of lanterns, when David feels Julia slip away from under his arm and take his hand again.

“Is it always like this?” she breathes, clearly affected by the beauty of the sight in front of them.

David pauses and turns to look at Julia fully. He guides her a little off the path so as not to block the way of other churchgoers and then wraps his arms around her waist, not caring that there are other people nearby. It’s dark anyway and all he can see is the soft glow of Julia’s face.

“Never quite like this,” he says at last.

“You mean all the snow?” Julia asks, looking around. Her eyes land on the big Christmas tree in front of the church, covered in snow and lit up with dozens of little lights. David lifts his hand and, with fingers on her chin, guides her gaze back to himself.

“I mean you,” he says in a low voice, looking at her intently.

His words seem to catch Julia completely off guard. She opens her mouth and then closes it again, unable to say anything in return.

“There’s always lights and sometimes there’s even snow, but it’s never felt quite like this,” he continues, pulling Julia closer until their bodies almost touch, her hands finding a place to rest on his middle.

“Well, I have nothing to compare this to but…” she starts feebly.

“You don’t have to say anything, love,” he says, pressing his thumb to her lips. “I just wanted to tell you.” The endearment rolls out of his mouth so naturally he barely notices it until he sees Julia’s eyes widen slightly.

“Can I call you that?” he asks, his hand moving to caress her cold cheek. 

Julia searches his eyes for a moment and then nods slowly. “If you mean it,” she whispers.

She watches dimples appear on David’s cheeks as his mouth breaks into a rare, full smile, and she can feel all her remaining reservations melt away. She doesn’t even protest when he pulls her in for a long, tender kiss, undaunted by the fact that they are in public.

When they break apart at last, she knows the answer before he speaks it out loud.

“I do.” He kisses her again, shorter this time, as if to punctuate his words. “My love.”

“My love,” Julia echoes back.


End file.
